been doing a lot of thinking lately about life and what is important to me, and the truth hit me harder than ever that quite a number of things that the world in general expects of us, may not necessarily be what makes us happy.

and many a time, we end up doing things because we are afraid of what other people think of us, but the things we do or how we do them or how other people think we should do them, just never seem to fully satisfy, or truly bring about happiness.

i've always been told that i need to fight for my own happiness, and stop trying to think about what everyone else thinks and wants, but ironically, this is no mean feat. or at least for me, it is no mean feat.

and what the world wants, may not necessarily be what God wants for me as well.

i want to follow that still small voice within me, but i'm worried and afraid. what if i'm wrong? what if i have to change what i'm used to? what if everyone feels i'm insane and that i don't know what i'm doing but just trying to act smart? so many questions, so many doubts.

but i'm still determined to try.

Testify to Love

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find
where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope
in every heart will speak what love has done

God Of Wonders

Lord of Heaven and Earth
(Lord of all creation)
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Hallelujah (to the lord of heaven and earth)

herbal beans: good what, at least i have a chance to be eaten

courtesy of kip, who managed to make me laugh despite my current state of unhappiness ... i know, you don't fully get it right? yup, neither do i :) but some of it does fall in very nicely ... and, i cracked up and laughed till my ribs ached, literally! i think i just needed that to let out all the built-up tension, thankew kippie :)

When you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
Just remember the Lord will hear and the answer is on its way
Our God is able, He is mighty, He is faithful

And He never sleeps, He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
When we are weak, He becomes stronger
So rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him

p/s: happy teachers' day to one and all! :) Press on!

yesterday was my birthday. stayed in school to rehearse for our teacher's day item, and am proud to say that we are so much more smooth and coordinated now than ever before :)

yet, my birthday ended in the morning i believe, somewhere around 9.30 am, because thats when i stopped being happy.

at the stroke of midnight, one of my kids sent me a birthday message, which i got the moment i opened my eyes in the morning, that was really sweet :) and she greeted me with two beautiful roses before assembly, the two biggest roses i have ever seen in my life, and the red one had lovely velvety petals, super nice! :)

after that, around about 8.50 am, got a call from one of my kids, the only class who knew it was my birthday because their class rep happens to have the same birthday as me, to ask me to pop by their class ... and it was there that they all stood up and sang me a birthday song, and presented me with the sweetest and most adorable birthday card that i have ever received :) as i was telling my friends back in the staffroom, it was just as well that i didn't begin reading the card in the classroom, cos i would have just started crying on the spot :) so sweet of them right? :)

yups, and of course, many many thanks to the newbies who celebrated the august birthdays with a most yummy cake, must ask them where they got it from, it was super duper yummy! :)

and many sincere thanks to the friends and family who remembered and dropped me messages and hugs along the way, especially my cousin who sent me an sms from aussie :) as well as the many cards and food-bits that i got from friends and kids alike, thankew thankew thankew :)

and so yups, that in summary marked the end of my birthday :)
and i must say that this is the first time i have found out so many people who share the same birthday as me :)

and so here's a very happy birthday to all my fellow birthday buddies, i sincerely hope you had a much happier birthday than me :) at the very least, i hope that it lasted the day through for you :)

happy happy birthday! :)

on this very special day, i just want to let you know that so many times, you are the reason for a smile or that warm glow in my life :) love you all!

*big hug*

i just don't feel like doing anything.

*sigh*

there came a point in time when you were always on my mind
i considered the possibilities of your feelings towards me
and thought seriously about how i felt about you

did you know that ...

there was a time when i was so confused
i didn't know how to behave and what to say
when you were around me or near me

did you know that ...

i've been waiting so long to hear your side of the story
to see if there's any chance for us
which was not possible some time back

did you know that ...

even now, i can't tell or make you out
bouts of warmth and cold blur my view
i've lost all discernment in my emotions

but there you stand ...

probably not knowing all this
or understanding this but not acting on it
making me so conflicted by how i feel inside

and i want you to know ...

it's really hard not knowing
and i'm too afraid to ask
afraid of how you'll feel
afraid of what you think of me
afraid that what we have now will cease to last

and i can't take it not knowing
but i can't take it destroying what we have now
so i'm praying for a miracle,
a possibility, a sign of how you feel
and hopefully, somehow, i'll know

learning about the characteristics of birds like doves, peacocks, hawks and owls, chatting at west coast park into the wee hours of the morning, reliving childhood memories by playing at various items in the playground and then some more soul-sharing while hair-drying, made sleeping a pretty low priority on the agenda this weekend :) and this after a long and tiring 2 weeks too!

*grin* this probably explains why i conked out until dinner the moment i reached home and showered, and conked out once again 2 hours after dinner :) but i had fun, and the smiles on my face lasted even until today :) *yay for bv oeeiii*

a personal take-away from this retreat:

"sometimes something you treasure,
may leave you feeling empty and unsure,
but go ahead and love anyway"

the weekend has never felt more welcome, it has been a tiring past 2 weeks! tiring not in a bad way because i wanted to do the stuff that i was involved in, and was happy doing it, but i am after all still human, and it has made me physically worn out :(

of course it also meant that i wasn't able to do other stuff that i wanted to do, like help friends out at the points of light thingey and stuff :( but i guess, on hindsight, i am glad that in some small way or other, each and every time, i was, to a certain extent, able to help pick up a starfish and fling it back into the ocean along the way ... and seeing those starfish glisten in the shimmering blue sea, with a chance of survival once again, really made all the tiring long days and filled up weekends worthwhile =p

so i'm just here to thank God that it's Friday, and for a well-planned strategy of rest after a hard week's of work that He gave us :) it's really amazing how He knew and knows that we need rest, and how He just provides for our every need :)

looking forward to the Lakehouse in just a few hours and maybe a good dinner in just a while, toodles! :)

*yay* it's friday!!! *dances off*